We love positive thinking. We love the idea that we can achieve anything if we stay positive and work hard. But for anyone who has spent time in their local playground, it\u2019s also easy to see how this whole \u201cpositive thinking\u201d movement might have gone awry. With so many apps, articles, and videos about staying positive, it\u2019s almost as if we\u2019re afraid of admitting that we sometimes feel inadequate. And being afraid to admit that you don\u2019t like or don\u2019t feel something has dangerous implications when parenting our kids.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Toxic positivity is a form of emotional repression. It is a way of hiding both good and bad emotions that are unhealthy and can lead to more significant problems later in life. Toxic positivity is standard in our culture now: You\u2019ve likely seen it in articles, books, and apps geared toward children and teens. It tells kids that they should never, ever feel anything negative. And that you should quickly brush any negative feelings they do feel aside. This thinking tells kids they are not allowed or even expected to feel negative emotions, which is invalid. No person (or child) is only ever positive or only ever negative. It\u2019s impossible. Everyone always feels a combination of positive and negative emotions, but we can recognize and accept both.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When kids are not allowed to feel negative emotions, they don\u2019t know how to process those feelings or deal with them. Instead, they tuck those emotions away until they grow so big that they can\u2019t ignore them any longer and come bursting out, often in destructive ways. If a child is never allowed to feel angry, for example, they may repress this and feel nothing when someone mistreats them, which could put them in danger. Or, if they eventually do let those feelings out, they will likely explode with anger in a way that\u2019s scary and out of control. You might have heard the acronym \u201cH.A.L.T.\u201d used in therapy settings. It stands for \u201cHalt and Observes,\u201d and it\u2019s a great way to help kids and adults alike take a step back from negative emotion and think about how to best deal with it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
One of the essential roles of a parent is to help their child learn how to deal with positive and negative emotions. But when the message from parents is that only positive emotions are okay, that\u2019s a huge problem. When a child feels ashamed for feeling upset at the moment, it takes away the chance to process those feelings and move on from them. This can make emotions like anger and sadness last longer. When a parent expects their child to be positive, they also miss out on an opportunity to teach them that emotions are okay, that they\u2019re normal, and that they come and go. This emotional repression can also lead to other problems like anxiety and depression.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The best way to avoid toxic positivity is to be aware of the dangers, discuss it with your children, encourage them to talk to you when they feel negative emotions, and show them that you will accept and address those emotions. But how do you start a conversation like that? It can feel intimidating, especially if you\u2019re worried you\u2019ll say the wrong thing and make it worse. Luckily, there are lots of open-ended questions you can ask that will help you broach the topic. You can ask your child something like, \u201cWhat do you wish for? What do you dream about?\u201d to start a conversation about hopes and dreams. Then you can ask, \u201cWhat makes you happy? What makes you sad?\u201d These are all great ways to start a discussion about emotions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The goal of parenting is to raise happy, healthy, and well-adjusted adults. One way to do this is to ensure they understand that it\u2019s normal to feel all negative emotions. Let your kids know it\u2019s okay to feel bad and that you will listen to them when they do. And most importantly, make sure you commit to this, even when it gets complicated. When you create an environment where emotions are safe to express and discuss, you are helping your child to grow up to be a happy, healthy, and well-adjusted adult.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
We love positive thinking. We love the idea that we can achieve anything if we stay positive and work hard. But for anyone who has spent time in their local playground, it\u2019s also easy to see how this whole \u201cpositive thinking\u201d movement might have gone awry. With so many apps, articles, and videos about staying […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":33,"featured_media":3086,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jnews-multi-image_gallery":[],"jnews_single_post":{"format":"standard"},"jnews_primary_category":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3085","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.family-feed.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3085","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.family-feed.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.family-feed.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.family-feed.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/33"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.family-feed.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3085"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.family-feed.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3085\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3483,"href":"https:\/\/www.family-feed.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3085\/revisions\/3483"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.family-feed.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3086"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.family-feed.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3085"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.family-feed.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3085"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.family-feed.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3085"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}